Just Thinking

I went to college secretly hoping that I would meet my husband and get married. I didn’t-and THANK HEAVENS because I had the opportunity to serve a mission. It was the best experience for me. It was hard but wonderful and I learned invaluable lessons. It wasn’t what I expected-it was better.
For a long time I have felt hollow. Infertility made me feel like I needed to continue on while consciously pushing aside the feeling that “this” was not how I envisioned life to be. It has been so emotionally draining. Shawn and I had long talks about what we were going to do to keep out of a constant grieving and hurt. We prepared our adoption paperwork and decided to make an intense focus on our marriage. We have played hard. We have taken dream vacations and bought season tickets to the theater. We have the latest technology and a nice car. We sleep in when we can, take naps whenever we want, and go anywhere whenever we feel like it. On my list of things I wanted before we became parents I had a bosch mixer, a piano/keyboard, and a sewing machine. I have all of those things.
Tonight I spent a couple of hours sewing receiving blankets. As I put together the cute pink and purple fabric, I had an epiphany. “This” isn’t what I expected life to be like. I never thought that building a family would be something I struggled with. I also never anticipated that it would be as hard as it really has been. Then, within a matter of a week, our life changed. Here I am-MAKING RECEIVING BLANKETS. The way life has turned out so far isn’t what I imagined or dreamed about. IT IS BETTER. I am ever grateful for a loving God who KNOWS what will make us happy. Perhaps we don’t trust that enough because we have no concept of it until we actually experience it. AMAZING!